I love my wife. That’s one reason we’ve stayed married over 30 years. We love watching movies, traveling, and cooking together (she is most certainly the cook, I just stir when she tells me).
I also appreciate my wife. I appreciate the way she decorates the house and makes it feel “homey.” I appreciate how she keeps the house running by balancing our family finances. And I appreciate how she keeps me informed about family and friends by reading me Facebook posts.
And I value my wife. The thing I value most is how she makes me a better me. She keeps me looking good through her great sense of fashion, helps me find the right words to difficult conversations, and regularly offers advice on my speaking business. While I may not always treat her like the treasure she is, I value and cherish her beyond words.
So what’s the difference between the three? Is one more important than the other? Do I really need all three for a successful marriage? Let’s start this brief exploration with a few definitions:
Love: To have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for.
Appreciate: To be grateful or thankful for; to be fully conscious or aware of.
Value: Consider someone or something to be important or beneficial; have a high opinion of.
In simpler terms, love is about an emotional connection, appreciation is thankfulness, and value reflects importance and worth.
So, yes, for a successful marriage, I would say all three are needed. And it’s all three that helped Pat and me celebrate 31 years last November.
But what about the corporate world? Do leaders need these three characteristics to be effective? As in marriage, I would say yes.
Let’s start with love. Not to sound too soft or mushy, but I’m convinced that a love for people is required for positive, effective leadership. I’m not talking about a passionate love one has for a spouse or a child but a love based on friendship. Plato and Aristotle talked about philia love which is reflected in shared goodwill. It’s a love that wants to connect with people on a real basis and wants to see others succeed.
Next is appreciation which is about gratitude. Being thankful for the work a colleague or direct report does and for the results they bring to the team. Key here is actually expressing that thankfulness with words.
Which brings us to Value, an emotion or characteristic that is (sadly) rarely shared. Valuing teammates or direct reports is about acknowledging a person’s worth, their gifts, and how they make the team better.
This is especially true for people who are different from ourselves. For example, I’m a pretty loud person. And I’m funny — at least I think so. And if there was a team full of me’s, we would have a blast! It would be a constant party! Can’t promise how much work we’d accomplish but we’d have fun trying.
For me to be my best and for my team to be its best, I need someone on my team who is a little quieter and someone who is a little more serious. I need that person to tap me on the arm during a meeting and say, “Hey, let’s be serious for a minute.”
By that same token, the quiet person needs me, the person who craves conversation and banter. That quiet person needs me to say, “Hey, we’ve heard from everyone but you and your opinion is important. Let’s hear it.”
You see, together, that quiet, serious person makes me a better me. And the loud, lighthearted person I am can bring out some of the same in that quiet, serious person. And together, we’ll do great work!
I need that person! I value that person for how they challenge me and make me better. And how they make the team better!
I’m convinced leaders need all three emotions in order to build a high-performance team. Organizations can also have an impact on performance and engagement by building cultures that revolve around fostering relationships, recognition, and valuing people for the unique individuals they are.
But how? Can an organization really build a culture that revolves around these three critical characteristics? Absolutely! And we’ll explore that next month!
Happy New Year! I hope you are ready to jump into 2019 after enjoying a fantastic holiday season with family and friends.
Have you made your New Year’s resolutions yet? I have. Yes, I’m losing weight and exercising more (Day 9 and still going strong!). I’ve committed to reading more books this year. I'm currently reading Brené Brown's recently released dare to lead. After that, The Mind of The Leader by Rasmus Hougaard and Jacqueline Carter. I'm also going to attempt a resolution that I made last year but didn't complete, write another book -- or at least complete the first draft.
I’m also committing myself to being a better boss in 2019. I don't think I'm a bad boss now (and I hope my team agrees!). Since I'm a student of leadership and management and have facilitated countless workshops that revolve around the idea of being an effective supervisor, I better be a good boss!
So I know how to be a great boss. Like most (all?) people, though, I occasionally do something that puts me on the “Bad Boss” list. When that happens, I apologize to my team and get back on the “Good Boss” list as quickly as possible.
So how will I spend more time on that Good list? I’ll start by making these 10 Best Boss Resolutions for 2019:
Resolution #1: I will show appreciation for my team daily.
Resolution #2: I will answer emails and phone calls from me team by the end of the business day or first thing the next morning.
Resolution #3: I will be transparent in my communication and will truly have an “open door” policy.
Resolution #4: I will accept responsibility rather than blame others for results.
Resolution #5: I will give credit for success to others rather then take credit myself.
Resolution #6: I will seek permission to lead rather than manage by authority.
Resolution #7: I will seek opportunities to build trust with my team and avoid breaking that trust.
Resolution #8: I will truly listen and be fully present during discussions.
Resolution #9: I will demonstrate CARE for my team – Credibility, Appreciation, Reliability, Empathy.
Resolution #10: I will work exhaustively to help my team find success and gratification at work.
Of course, these aren’t the only things I will do. Being a better boss takes constant vigilance and effort. So please allow me to add one more . . .
Resolution #11: I commit to constantly looking for new ways of being a great boss.
If I’m successful in making these 11 resolutions part of my daily leadership walk, I’m confident my team will enjoy a fantastic year.
What about you? What will you do? Will you join me in committing to being a better boss in 2019?
Millennials (people born from the early 1980s to 2000) are the most talked about and most studied generation in today’s workforce. I've added to those studies by publishing a book, The Millennial Challenge, delivering numerous Millennial presentations, and appearing on various blogs and podcasts including The Curated Experience – twice (episode 11 and episode 13)!
Interestingly, we don’t talk about any other generation like we do Millennials. We also don’t change an entire organization’s hiring practices, management policies, and even corporate culture to attract and keep workers like we do Millennial employees.
Most of the editorial written about Millennials revolves around negative stereotypes and characteristics. When asking older workers about Millennials, words such as entitled, lazy, and opinionated quickly roll off the tongue. While stereotypes come about for a reason and these words may in fact apply to some if not many young workers, there is growing thought that the differences Millennials bring to the workplace are not so unique from previous generations.
For example, Millennials want to make as much money as possible. Millennials want to be respected. Millennials want to enjoy the work environment and their colleagues, want the opportunity to learn new things and grow within the organization, and want a good boss. How are these things different than any other generation?
Within these similarities, though, Millennials have slightly different expectations. For example, everyone wants a good work environment. Millennials, however, more than previous generations, want to work for a company that has a great corporate culture. Millennials also want to know how their individual work contributes to the organization’s overall performance as well as understand how the organization itself makes their community and the world a better place.
In addition to these generational similarities, Millennials also have several defining characteristics. Research shows a Millennial brain thinks and fires differently than brains of older workers. This new way of thinking allows Millennials to address business issues in unique ways, often finding distinct and creative solutions to business problems.
Millennials tend to be more flexible than previous generations and therefore have higher expectations of workplace flexibility. This desire for a flexible work life, also known as work/life integration, means a Millennial worker may leave the office at 4pm, hang out with friends until 7, go home and log into the network for a few minutes, break for a three-hour Netflix binge, and then log back into the corporate network at 11pm for a few hours. Yes, some Baby Boomers may do the same, but most Boomers will be sleeping at midnight.
So what’s the bottom line? To be a high-performing organization, workers of all ages must work side-by-side in a healthy corporate environment. In fact, generational differences are just one aspect of diversity. Research is beginning to show that the highest performing organizations are also high in ethnic, gender and cultural diversity.
And for all of the hand wringing around the downfall of business due to Millennials’ inability to contribute to the corporate world, it’s turning out that Millennials have much to offer the workplace. And the tactics implemented to attract and retain Millennials are the same tactics organizations should use to build an attractive work environment for workers of all ages.
Does your organization focus on attracting Millennials or is it trying to
build an engaging culture that benefits all employees? What makes your
culture engaging and employee-friendly?
Are we losing the ability to connect with people on a deep level? Is technology preventing us from making meaningful, personal connections with each other?
At least in the business world, I would say yes. Not only are we becoming a less “personal touch” society, we are becoming a less helpful society.
Years ago, before mobile phones, before email, and even before voicemail, we conducted business either face-to-face or by phone. Working with customers or handling internal business issues, you had to speak to someone. Yes, certain people, primarily executives, could hide behind their secretary, avoiding pesky sales people, customer complaints, or high-maintenance clients and employees. For the most part, though, we got to know each other – employees, colleagues, clients, customers, and vendors – by visiting face-to-face or voice-to-voice.
Voicemail was our first big step away from personal touch. We pretended (and still do) to want to talk to people, but our actions said (and still do) otherwise. “Your call is very important to me so please leave your name and number and I’ll get back to you as quickly as possible.” Really? My call is very important to you? For many people, that is simply not true.
A more truthful message would be, “Please leave your name and number and I’ll try to get back to you. If you don’t receive a return call within 48 hours, then I don’t want to talk to you.”
Our next step down the avoid-people rabbit hole was email. Why talk to someone when I could simply send a written note? Of course, in some ways, email improved our communication by allowing “conversations” even when someone wasn’t available by phone.
The flipside, though, is we now get so many emails, we have little time to do much anything else. How many messages are in your Inbox right now?
Next up – mobile phones and texting. Now, not only are we receiving short messages, this technology has ruined our ability to spell.
Today we live and work in a world of Facebook and LinkedIn, two fantastic web services which allow us to stay in touch with friends and business associates. The unintended consequence of these technologies is we now send happy birthday wishes and congratulations on the promotion with just a touch of the button. No thought required. Another step down that impersonal rabbit hole.
So I’m certainly not bashing technology nor do I wish for a time without email and smart phones (truth be known, I get really annoyed when wifi isn’t working on a plane – and I didn’t even have that option a couple of years ago!).
But what would life be like if, rather than just hitting the Like button or sending an automated “Congrats” note, we actually called our friend and offered a hearty, “Congratulations on your new job!”?
In other words, like the late-80s AT&T commercial said, "Reach out and touch someone."
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Darren is a personable, high energy, and engaging speaker who will who will inform, inspire, and entertain your audience, Read More
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